Fat Ppl Envy me + Other Stories

“Wow! She’s awake” was my mother’s response after I startled her with my ‘morning face’ today. O>O WHAT TIME IS IT??!!!! was the first thing I managed to blurt out. When she told me it was after 12 it’s like a bell chimed inside me. Betta Mus Come (Yes my life will be the sequel) That was the driving force that prompted my next question “What can I do for you today mommy?I don’t wanna be a bum any more!” Boy was she proud of me, her favourite first child!

So I boxed off  most of her duties which included eating breakfast (yea she’s pretty soft on me) and turned the spotlight on me… It’s more than official, trying to work on my bed leads to 0% productive output- I need a work station so I got to work. Believe it or not I SEWED A PILLOW … yes I got around the sewing maching and after figuring out that the ‘play’ button is the foot pedal, I got the gist of that funny looking machine. So now as I type, my ass is comfortably cushioned on my newly made seat pillow (orders welcome!) and the laptop is NOT on my bed! Productivity mi seh! Yea yea!!!! 😀

I have a to do list. It’s really a scrap paper taped to ma wall with a long list of things to do. The longer the list the more psyched I’ll be to finish them. Yes …. I’m feeling good. My friend just told me that I sound ‘sprightly’.  (Awe bless you darling) I really am and I need to ‘Maximize my Life’ (can’t take credit for that one .. it’s really a website I’ve been checking out of late but I like the sound of it! – http://maximizemylife.com/)

Also today and the highlight of my post (saving the best for last) I finally confronted a long time fear of mine –> bathroom-scale-o-phobia. Duh I made it up!

Let’s take it from the top. I stared at the bathroom scale then finally got up enough courage to ask mom to tell me how much I weighed. I had a grand feeling that I’ve gained quite a few pounds and for a long time I’ve been afraid of getting the facts straight. Sooooooooo I timidly got on, took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I waited for my verdict.

***

120! O-Em-Geeeeee! LIES. I lost 2 pounds!!!  Then I shouted out ‘fat people are gonna envy me!’ HOW THE HECK WAS THAT POSSIBLE? Mom said the scale tells you what you want to hear DWL. I thought of all my ‘dieting strategies’ and decided to share the secret to my success with you! Hope it helps:

  1. Starve yourself until any time after 12 p.m. then eat non-stop for the rest of the day
  2. Do NOT under any circumstances EXERCISE
  3. Sit around the computer all day and try walking around as little as possible

Hint: If you actually want to lose weight there’s a great possibility that doing the opposite might actually work for you!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a toilet to clean :s

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9 thoughts on “Fat Ppl Envy me + Other Stories

  1. Pingback: Has it really been 1 YEAR? « Welcome to my world…

    • HaHa Thankx well luckily, I haven’t received and hate notes to date. If I do though I sure had it coming!

      Oh I mentioned your site in this one. Hope you don’t mind!

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